You cannot just focus on your sexy Halloween costume, carving your pumpkin and making brownies with orange icing. You’ve got to have a list of at least 25 Halloween pick-up lines, too, so you’ll be ready when you run into the Hulk. Or maybe this year he’s going as a vampire. (Isn’t everyone?) Now grab your laptop and start typing. OK, you got 25? Keep that list of Halloween pick-up lines handy, girl; you’re gonna need it.
It could happen like this: You’ll be doing some last minute shopping to get a few final touches for your Elvira costume. You’ve got the false eyelashes, the long black wig, the dress cut down to your navel, the stick-on side push bra, the black net hose. Now you just need to get the two inch fingernails, and stop at the store for some Halloweenies, keeping your list of Halloween pick-up lines handy at all times.
Because there he is: a hottie! Over in the produce section, checking out the pumpkins. Don’t go grab a pumpkin, “accidentally” drop it and say, “Uh oh, now it’s a squash!” Too messy, not funny, stupid, will you please stick to the script? Take a quick peek at your Halloween pick-up lines, then go over and brush up against Sir Hottie as you reach for a gourd of your own. Ready?
Smile and say: If you were a jack-o’-lantern, I’d light your candle.
Maybe he’ll say: If you were a vampire, we could do some necking.
You: You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
Him: You should dress up as a pirate with that treasure chest.
You: You could go as the UPS man with that package.
Him: You can go as FedEx with that pick-up line.
You: We could go as Siamese twins, connected at the lips.
Him: I feel like I know you, it’s spooky.
You: Want to go somewhere for a spell?
Him: Come on, I’ll buy you a witch’s brewsky.
You: How about a margarEEKa?
Him: Coke and jack-o’-lantern? Spookatini?
You: Blood red wine?
Him: You’re beginning to haunt me.
You: Better come over to my place. Never know what I’ll turn into at midnight.
Him: You’re my kind of ghoul.
You: I’m the ghostess with the mostest.
Him: Then fix me a chicken sandwich.
You: What, are you a poultrygeist?
Him: No, but I get in the spirit at night.
You: Just don’t give this witchie anything itchy.
Him: Have I got a ghost of a chance?
You: This ghoul’s no fool.
Enough already. No, I did not include the Halloween pick-up line that ends “or are you happy to see me?” The broom thing. Listen, we’re just trying to get you through this with a modicum of good taste. What do you mean there weren’t 25 Halloween pick-up lines in the script? You didn’t expect me to do all the work, did you? What a witch.
Anyway it’s not realistic to think you’ll get to use your entire repertoire of Halloween pick-up lines at one time. And probably Mr. Hottie won’t be prepared with as many snappy Halloween comebacks as the script indicates. But it’s a start. Anyway, you will probably die of humiliation before you ever get through the list. Just don’t get spooked.