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Halloween Safety Tips

Published by Joanie Cosimini

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Essential Halloween Safety Tips for You and Your Family

Halloween is upon us with all of the fun and mayhem the 31st of October rightfully is filled with. For almost all people, this is their favorite day of the year. Kids love that they can eat as much candy as they possibly can, adults love that it’s perfectly acceptable to dress like a total slut and get hammered, and most people also truly enjoy scaring the wits out of other people. Halloween is indeed a most wonderful time of the year, but to make sure that your Halloween is nothing but enjoyable, here are a list of must have items to keep kids, pets, and relatives safe all the way to November.

Luggage with wheels
Always make sure you bring at least one medium to large sized bag with wheels when you go trick or treating. Just a few houses into your planned route you and your kids will have collected about a 3 years supply of tootsie rolls. Of course, you could return home after just 2 minutes of trick or treating, but that never ever happens. Your kids will continue to accumulate candy until they are incapable of carrying their own loot bags anymore, at which point it becomes your responsibility to carry pounds and pounds of candy. This is where the wheeled luggage becomes indispensable. Save your back and periodically stuff the stash in the bag.

Surgical masks
As prices of at home smoke machines produced in China continue to plummet, these items become more and more commonplace in the average household. Since most people never really need to produce large amounts of eerie smoke on any other night than Halloween, people tend to overdo it when they finally get to justify their purchase. Keep your kids and yourself safe from chemical smoke by having surgical masks ready at all times.

Plastic bloodstained ax
Chances are that you’ve already sprung for a few hundred dollars in a warehouse store for Halloween costumes and props for everyone in the family. Chances are even better that these costumes will not hold up for very long. Especially pirates hooks, butchers hatchets and the like has a tendency to get lost in a neighbor’s front yard. Luckily, if you carry a spare plastic bloody ax, that is the perfect item to save any costume disaster. Not only is it a perfect complement to any costume, from werewolf to ex president, even if the entire costume has been ditched, a regular outfit combined with a plastic bloody ax is a perfectly fine psycho killer outfit.

Insulin shots
Your kids will be eating fatal doses of sugar. Be a responsible parent and carry at least one insulin shot for each minor in your party, to be administered directly into the heart if anyone should go into a sugar coma. It is of course advisable that you have some medical background when you stick syringes into other peoples hearts, but on the other side, unqualified heart surgery is very much with the theme of a regular Halloween

Water, band aids and sandals
The prospect of unlimited free candy drives many a child and young adult to overwork their bodies. Kids who never do anything but sit around and play videogames all day are suddenly out walking, sometimes for several blocks without rest. This will lead not only to exhaustion and dehydration, but most kids will get blisters and sores on their feet as they actually use their shoes for walking for the first time in a year. Be prepared with water and band aids, and if needed let your kids wear sandals for the rest of the ordeal if their feet has become unbearably sore.

Paper bags
As the trick or treating commences, it is unfortunate that you will eventually walk up to a house that declines to give out candy, or worse yet try to get your kids to accept an orange or an apple. The proper response in this situations is to defecate in a paper bag, put it on their doormat and set it on fire. As you probably know, kids are not very adept at planning ahead and will not bring paper bags for this purpose. If you can provide paper bags in times of need, there will be no need for potentially embarrassing moments as your kids try to improvise.

If you follow these simple steps, you can be sure that Halloween is the happy and fun filled holiday it was meant to be.

 

 

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