Halloween party of 2016 is one I will never forget.
I’ve always preferred house parties on Halloween as opposed to clubs. For one, clubs tend to raise their cover charges on Halloween night, plus you have to worry about where to put your ID and money in your costume, and you are limited to what kind of accessories they allow you to bring in with you. It’s Halloween, don’t hold me down. Luckily my wife’s sister (The Sister) knew of a good-sized house party. All decked out in our costumes, my wife and I, The Sister, and some other friends made our way to the party.
I’m never satisfied with just being some pre-packaged thing off the rack in the temporary costume shop they opened up on the old Pay-Less-Shoes location down at the dirt mall. I like to come up with some kind of creative, funny, pop cultured referenced costume; and that year I did not disappoint.
I went as (now former) Seattle Seahawk Ken Hamlin. For those that are unaware, a month earlier outside a nightclub after a game he got attacked and was hit in the head with a “No Parking” sign, which was a big news story in the Seattle area.
So, I wore my Ken Hamlin jersey, and I bought a “No Parking” sign, cut a piece out of it, and attached the sign in to my head, which I wrapped with medical bandages, and had some blood on it. I figured I would get a few reactions to the costume.
Most people thought my costume was funny, but a few people said it was offensive, and tacky. The one thing I forgot to take into consideration would be those that just did not get it. After way too much to drink, and the 14th person to bug me about what my costume was supposed to be, I just had enough.
I was in line for the bathroom when some girl asked me what I was supposed to be. I responded with, “smarter than you.” She kept asking about the costume and became upset because I refused to tell her what my costume was. Finally, I told her to “read a newspaper sometime, assuming you can tear yourself away from a rerun of The Gilmore Girls.” She got extra upset with that response, grabbed her friend (hot nurse costume), and introduced me as “Mr. Rude.” Hot nurse was too drunk to understand that she was upset, and started talking to me, so I flirted with her, pissing off the original girl even more. Looking back, I’m not proud.
My friend Dale came really close to killing some drunken Australian guy that had crashed the party. I came in during the end, and didn’t get to see how it started, but I walked into the kitchen and I see Dale in one quick move, push his girlfriend back with one hand, while stepping up to this guy, he looks him right in the eye, asks him if his problem is going to continue.
The guy looked like he was going to crap himself. Dale is huge, has a shaved head, and is cocky. He looked like Stone Cold Steve Austin in a dress shirt coming at him. His buddy, also from Australia, broke it up a bit, and got his drunken friend to get out of there and kind of calmed down Dale. However, it was close.
Oh, and what started the whole thing? Well, apparently many of the costumes confused the Australians, as most of them at this party were more about US pop culture references, and less about witches and vampires. Dale got annoyed with them asking everyone, so he said something, and the drunker one made the mistake of mouthing off about it.
In reality probably not a fighting offense, but Dale was also the same guy who later that night wanted to punch somebody out because he said about my Hamlin costume, “I have to say, while incredibly tacky, I love your costume.” So, even though the guy complimented me, because he said it was tacky, Dale felt a fist to his face would appropriate. I advised him otherwise.
Speaking of costumes, here is a quick list of some of the better costumes of the night:
Giant Whoopee Cushion
Gene from Blue Oyster Cult (Will Ferrell version, jamming on the Cowbell all night.)
Ron Burgundy (Guy absolutely looked just like Ron too. Dead ringer, he could have been a stunt double. That said, the Will Ferrell cowbell guy was better in my opinion. He did not look exactly like the character, but he acted like him all night. I never once saw the guy break character and just have a conversation with somebody. He was just roaming around the party, banging on his cowbell all night long. You would be in a room, chatting it up with somebody, and all of the sudden, this guy would just roam through the room, stop at somebody random, bang the cowbell in their face, and then move on. For over three hours he did this. That kind of dedication to one’s costume earns you some big points in my book.)
Guy dressed as a Hooters Girl – while highly unoriginal, this is always a winner for me. Anytime a man is willing to wear nut hugging shorts and show-off his grape smuggling skills without embarrassment, they get an honorable mention.
My winner for costume of the night went to:
The Nickelodeon Double Dare contestants: Remember the old game show Double Dare on Nickelodeon? It was for kids, and it was a cross between Jeopardy and Fear Factor. The kids would be asked trivia questions by legendary TV Host Marc Summers, and if the kids did not want to, or could not answer, they could opt for the physical challenge. The physical challenge would always require one to get wet, dirty, or my favorite, slimed.
At the party there were four people dressed up as Double Dare, two were the Red Team, and two were the Blue Team. They had the full jumpsuit, with the Double Dare logo silk screened on. They had the eye goggles, and even had the hard hats with the clear plastic cups attached to the tops. All night long they would randomly stop what they were doing and take the physical challenge, usually involving pouring beer from the cup on the helmet, into the mouth of their partner. A great, original idea, well put together, and executed flawlessly. Bravo Double Dare team, bravo.
The Australian guy that broke up the almost fight between Dale and the belligerent Aussie was quite a talker. This guy was like Double Down Trent in Swingers. He could talk to anyone, and charm the socks off him or her, so of course The Sister wanted to hump him.
We are all out on the dance floor and this guy is dancing with some different girls, and The Sister was just standing there with a look as if she wanted to stab these girls in the eye with a pencil. She is asking my wife for suggestions on getting his attention, just dying to hook up with him. I was bored with this whole thing, and wondered off to find an inappropriate place to piss, as somebody had passed out in the bathroom with the door locked.
By the time I got back to the dance area, The Sister had worked her way to be dancing with this guy. When it was time to leave she decided she was going to go back to this guy’s hotel. Good for her, one less stop to make on my way home, so we left her.
The epilogue to this story is, apparently the cab never came for them. They waited for over an hour for the cab, and when The Sister called the cab company, he told her it was a busy night, and she would just have to wait. The Sister started yelling at the cab place, and they hung up on her. The Aussie had a 8am flight the next morning and desperately needed to get back to his hotel, so he just started walking towards Seattle, hoping to catch a cab driving by (the party was about 5 miles from his hotel in downtown). Therefore, The Sister was stuck at this house. To top it off, her phone completely died, so she had nobody’s phone numbers to call and try to be picked up.
She finally got a cab sometime the next morning, and had to take the ride of shame in the cab, and the walk of shame into her building on a Sunday morning dressed in a slutty Strawberry Shortcake outfit.
Only on Halloween.