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What Not to Hand Out to Kids on Halloween

Published by Amie Morrow

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I was once a teenager, yep, a rebellious little punk. I don’t know why I did the things I did, and God I feel awful about them now, because the things I had done to others I would not want done to me. Karma however is a mofo, and some of my tricks have already come back to haunt me.

For instance, on Halloween night, while trick-or treating, if a person handed out crappy candy, we would pay them a visit later on in the night. That’ll teach em’ for handing out crap. We’d head back later on and egg the cheap bastards house while they slept.

So seeing how I remember these days all too well, and I am ashamed of my deeds, I figured I would make a wrong, a right, by chiming in and helping people out when it comes to candy, Halloween night, and what you should NOT hand out if you don’t want some little punk ruining your property.

One tip is to try and be home, and answer your door. You see if your not home, and you leave your front lights on, it means to us kids that YOU are in fact home, why else would you leave the lights on. Walking up to your door, and you not answering tends to piss of trick-or-treaters. Most likely you will get egged a few times throughout the night. So if your not home, leave your lights off; all of them. This tells us no one is home, and we don’t waste our time walking up to your door.

Now if you are home and you are handing out candy, please by all means do not hand out anything included in this list. These types of goods are like wearing the scarlet letter. You will become a target.

  1. Pennies- if you are not an 80 year old cute woman, don’t even think about handing out pennies. It’s cool for the old chicks to hand these pieces worthless currency out; but if your in your mid 30’s to 40’s, your going to get egged man.
  2. Apples- again, if your not 80, don’t even think about giving kids apples. Once you shut the door, the apple gets pelted right at it…or a window. Apples are weapons of destruction on Halloween, why hand them out…seeing how your house will be the target?
  3. Trial sized tubes of toothpaste- So your a dentist. You want kids to keep their teeth healthy and all of that god stuff. What a good Samaritan. You suck! Halloween is all about candy. I know you thought you were doing a good thing, but the reality is you just wasted 2 minutes of some kids time, he came to your door looking for snickers, and you gave him… you gave him toothpaste. You are sooo going to pay.

These vials of toothpaste usually will end up smeared on your door, car, or mailbox handle. Take that, booyah!

  1. Candy Corn- Are you kidding me!? This is the nastiest candy one can give to kids. However it is semi safe. So many cheap folks hand out handful’s of candy corn in those cute paper bags with the ghost on them. We chuck these in our bags without even looking.

Those of you who dip your hand into a bowl of candy corn and sprinkle them into our bags will pay. These loose sticky candies melt and end up ruining a few of our good pieces. YOU SHALL PAY.

  1. Those globs of caramel with the white cream crap in the middle- yep, kids don’t even know what the hell they are called, but we do know they are NOT edible! How dare you give us this nasty pile of crap!? Egg em’!

This is basically the top 5 treats you should not hand out, unless you want an egg to your door or car. As sad as that sounds it’s the truth. Kids should just appreciate what you give to them. Some of you are on tight budgets and hand out what you can afford…but do know kids don’t care about your sob story, they are out looking for candy. It doesn’t even have to be good candy, but pennies, apples, and candy corn just won’t do it.

They have tons of large bags of cheap candies that kids like, such as assorted bags of smarties, sweet tarts, and tootsie rolls. But do not hand out just one tootsie roll…that could be grounds for an egging.

I’m not saying what you SHOULD buy, just giving a tip. If you feel like handing out anything on the list of 5 I named, good luck to yah, and Happy Halloween!!!!!



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